ON HIATUS ACTIVITY 2
The weather today is quite good surprisingly. An Unexpected little rain in hot summer with scorching heat of sun is a miracle. I was busy with the product photo-shoot of the clothing line with which I have been working for the last few days. And thank god it was not the kids shoot this time, thank god it were these nonliving products which could be placed and replaced a thousand times without any hassle like previously it was in the case of those kids. I have been making and decorating these products for the last few days. Ironically I don’t like kids but I have really enjoyed packing up things for the new born.
So, when we were done up with the shoot as soon as i stepped out of the work place I was shocked to see that it was raining. Rain in summer over here is like a blessing. And my mood swings are mostly driven by the weather. So while I was waiting for my boss to come so that we can proceed further with the office work. I kept looking at the sky full of clouds. Thank god she got late and I have got about an hour to just sit back, think about myself and relax. And this is usually the ideal time to just dig out something from myself and write a post for the residency. So I took five to ten minutes in search for finding something logical and useful to write or I don’t know what because each time I am just posting about random things happening in my life. I don’t know if people find it interesting? I so wanted to post something “productive” this time. I kept looking at different magazines, newspapers etc. But have ended up as usual with what I was feeling at that time, so I just have started jotting that down on a piece of paper from my desk.
I think whatever I post is something which I have actually experienced after being a part of this residency. I remember that in my residency proposal I had mentioned that I will probably end up with writing a book or something. I am not that intellectual enough to be able to write a book but I think i was not fond of writing at all but this residency post commitment have actually transformed all my feelings and experiences in written form that I would definitely love to compile them all in some form. Today I was reading all my previous posts and realized that all my initial posts were full of depression, disappointment and complains but gradually it all had disappeared for the last few months. Though I don’t want to talk about that some long sad art story but just to cut the long story short, art had actually made me a psychotic patient. I have suffered from great depression while resolving art. And now I realize that the moment I left it and have joined a residency which was for the artists on hiatus it had proved really well.
I feel depression when I do art and I also fell depress when I completely leave art because after a month or two I began to think I have ruined my career, I left the art world completely. I neither want to do art nor want to completely detach myself from it. So RFAOH was the exact thing that have rescued me because these two to three posts a month make me feel alive and enthusiastic. I still remember while I was writing proposal for this residency I was fearless I have written all crap all the aggression I had against the system of art practice I literally have mentioned everything and I was not even expecting a call from you guys. But I was shocked to see that I have got selected for this residency.
Thank god! I am so contented with all what I am doing and with all what I have, that I don’t even remember that last open calls for the residencies and biennale which were my dream two years back. I do not even remember that I have lost the last chance of Gassworks.
I will not say that what I am doing right now is not art, it is not difficult and it is not time consuming – yes it is it takes me almost three hours to pack and design a new born package but what it lacks is depression, competition and torture.