June 30 July 12
So technically, my residency finished 11 12 days ago. It’s been a crazy couple weeks, what can I say?
In truth, I was hoping I’d get inspired and have some grand-finale type post about how everything is getting on track and I’m ready to spread my wings and excited to dance back into the ‘art world’.
Truthfully, with the blows the past year has dealt us I feel more like a Loony Toons character – Bugs, Daffy, or Wily Coyote – blackened eye, bandages, hobbling off screen on a crutch.
And I’m still waffling.
Leaning mostly towards getting back in the trenches.
But with just a bit (ok, actually at least ¼) of me wanting to stay on the sidelines and declare defeat.
The past weeks have been highs and lows – great inspiration and plans followed by days of lows and hard practicalities. As a ‘Mastermind’ I like system building. I like control and to set things up and have them run ‘correctly’ (aka smoothly, and to my exact preferences). But I do not like being the one who has to dot ‘i’s’ and cross ‘t’s’.
I fully admit, as a control freak, that facing situations where I am dependent on unpredictable strangers to forward my goals, that’s when things go to h-e-double-hockey-sticks. As an adult, I like to think I’ve grown beyond petulance. But I’ve been feeling suspiciously like that. I may even have stifled the urge to stamp my feet and pull my hair once or twice.
I started a 40th birthday resolution to purge my studio of old artworks, things I’ve been hanging onto since back in my university days. Some I just liked too much to let go, some are experiments that got shelved. It’s time to let them go and see what happens. The first lot were a bunch of pochoir prints I did in a workshop. A friend and colleague bought four which felt nice.
The hiatus has felt good. It was definitely a break when I desperately needed one and most likely wouldn’t have gone easy on myself.
The year ahead is going to be filled with more challenges and changes. We’ll just have to see where things go!