Residency Period:
1 October 2016 – 31 July 2017 (withdrew as of May 1, 2017)
Bio
A Canadian film-maker Rob Santaguida’s videos ”Miraslava” and ”Goran” have screened in over 200 international festivals, including CPH: DOX, Denmark; Videobrasil, Brazil; Kassel Documentary Film and Video Festival, Germany; and Transmediale, Germany. Rob has served as the artist-in-residence at museums and artist-run centres in the United States, Croatia, Romania, Germany, Norway, Greece, Serbia, and Australia. Rob is the recipient of the K.M. Hunter Artist Award and a fellowship from the Akademie Schloss Solitude in Germany.
On-hiatus Proposal Summary
Rob has been meaning to go on hiatus for several years now, but every year, a new event or project emerges, and he finds himself making work while missing the original impulse that moved him in the past. Later this year he will finally go on hiatus, with the hopes of replacing cynicism with youthful vigour, and finding new motivation for when he returns to his practice in the future.
During his hiatus, he will travel to Istanbul and live in the neighborhood of Balat. He will focus on simple activities, like reading, walking and conversation. He will learn Italian and maybe try out the saxotromba.
Final Report
"You said it was time for a grand conclusion. When we pick our seats on the train you always find it strange that I don't mind facing backwards. Time spent regretting is wasted time, you say. Who cares about an exchange from twenty years ago when you reacted to your environment like a sand dollar? If I hadn't wasted these hours with my regret I probably would have wasted them in another way. This is time for a soft statement.
I mishear things sometimes. The music was too loud or you slurred your words, and I pretend to understand. I wonder how things would be different if I had apologized until it was clear what you meant. Only you know.
I have never been afraid of endings. Beginnings, on the other hand, terrify me. As I stand knee-deep in this prelude I now know nothing I do is important. The world doesn't need another one of my films. What the world needs is comfort.
It is too hot to sleep, so I sit up with the lights off, trying to stay quiet so not to wake anyone, listening the sound of the waves slapping against the rocks. A few small boats glide by, fishing with spotlights. Behind me my ancestral home, without a head the town spasms in the final moments before it dies. Streets are cut out instead of repaired. Long curls of white paint come off the welcome sign. The locals will think I am insane if I moved back here.
We bobbed on the sea aboard an old yacht. The captain and his daughter handed us drink after drink. I started feeling sick and lay on the deck. The boat bounced off the waves as we headed to the shore in the cool, black air. You covered me with a part of the sail, and it was cozy. I thought you would lean in and see how I was doing from time to time, but your thoughts were elsewhere. I nearly heard your laugh over the sound of the engine and the water. I stayed wrapped up well after I felt better.
I did nothing that I set out to do. I didn't think I would. I was alone more than I expected. Enjoyed it more than I thought I could. I traveled to cold places during the winter and hot places in the summer while I tried to do the reverse. I didn't learn any new languages or how to play an instrument or even spend a day longer than I needed to in Istanbul. The bitter fights, which I hadn't proposed, were my currency. It was a good experience. But I wouldn't do it again. But it was good."
There’s a grey hatchback outside my window. An older model. The car has been parked in the same spot for two straight weeks. Nobody seems to have noticed.
The car was caked in snow for a while, glistened with rain, now it’s dry, dirty streaks on the side, but dry on this cloudy day. There’s nothing visibly wrong with the car, nothing shattered or smashed in, at least on the one side I’ve seen from my living room window.
I don’t care enough to check the other side. I know one morning I will get up and the car will be gone, without announcement or ceremony, and I might not even notice, on to the next worry or minor preoccupation on the eternal list.
Late one night, I find a note slipped under my door. I’ve decided to share it with you:
“Hi Rob,
You need to leave that studio. It sucking the funds and life out of you. But where to go?
I slept. I’m sleeping, in fact, well. I ate my own heart for three days straight. I don’t recommend it.
I reconnected with old friends, and just like that I am going to Georgia. The country, not the state. An old application I had forgotten about. At least, one I was ignoring. But instead of making a video I will translate a book. That will show them.
I can’t find the words anymore. My trouble with regular conversation is growing. I’m worried.
This weekend I go to Croatia. A night in Belgrade before that.
I’m well. Some small problems, but nothing a good haircut and massage can’t solve.
Now that our pond is consistently full and continually bubbling,
our frogs seem contented and serenade us each evening.
(Well, actually, a little each morning, late-morning, & mid-afternoon, too.)
We definitely have three green tree frogs,
and also one larger striped frog,
that seems to be of the same species
as the frog in the well at our squatting spot in Rogil.
Since we aren’t frog experts,
we’re not sure what all their croaking is about:
communication for sure;
but is it for courtship and mating,
inviting neighboring frogs over for a party,
or just chit-chat about the changing weather?
Who can tell?
But they’re reassuring noises whenever we hear them;
along with the chattering of the songbirds each morning
and the high-pitched squeaks of the bats at twilight.
Otherwise our valley is pretty quiet most of the day,
except for the morning and afternoon commuters to bamboo parque,
and the hay man, the cow man, and the goat man
who all drive by a few times around midday.
Last Tuesday we had a Root trine,
during the tail end of transplant time.
So we cleared out a bit more of the garden
to put in 9 more potato sprouts and another row of onions.
The potato sprouts from last time have begun to leaf out,
and the beets from the first two plantings have all emerged.
And along with the flowering kale and arugula,
the broccoli raab and mustard have begun to blossom, too.
Otherwise, we’ve returned to mulching,
and finished covering the entire driveway
and now working on the walking paths
that meander up the hillside and toward the house.
During the rainy days, these paths got quite soggy and muddy,
and we noticed that where we had mulched the driveway,
the water ran underneath the mulch and made walking on top easier,
like walking on carpeting, so while there is still roadside mulch,
we decided to do all our walking paths.
In other news, we found some tadpoles swimming around
in the deep puddle over by the honeysuckle fence near the ruin.
There’s at least a dozen, perhaps more.
Since it was a small pond during the rains,
I’m sure they were quite comfortable,
but as it’s been drying up,
their oasis is quite murky.
So we’ve begun relocating the tadpoles to our pond.
Three moved the first day, and then a few more each day,
so far a dozen, but I thought I saw another in there yesterday.
(Update: turns out there were a few more; we’re up to fifteen!)
And since we had the time,
we had been doing some pruning,
mostly to free some cork oaks from shrubbery and other saplings.
We also have at least another dozen stone oak saplings to remove,
because they’re overcrowding our corks and fruit trees.
Some we hope to transplant, or gift to friends,
because we hate killing trees, and want to use their holes for planting in,
and because the trees aren’t large enough to be useful for firewood yet.
And over the long holiday weekend,
we’ve been baking, painting with Marmalade,
and back into the garden,
planting another batch of rainbow carrots,
and another two rows of rainbow beets
during Saturday’s Root time.
And giving all the planted seeds a good soaking.
Many seeds from the past few weeks have emerged:
aside from the rainbow beets and carrots,
purple kohlrabi, red swiss chard, garlic chives,
and a second batch of broccoli raab and spinach have all sprouted.
Also, a whole patch of something else has emerged
and is growing it’s second sets of leaves, but for the life of me,
I can’t remember what I might of planted there,
and don’t recognize these little plants at all.
Saturday night was a short Flower time,
so I planted a few lupines in our yard,
and potted up some of the purple artichokes.
(I had run an experiment with the artichoke seeds:
directly planting some in little pots in our cold frame,
and sprouting some in a wet towel before planting.
So far, nine of the sprouting dozen have sprouted,
so those I’ve potted up, and a few
have since emerged and leafed out.
Only one of the cold frame ones have sprouted so far,
though that could be due to the cold frame
being a bit cooler than my kitchen counter.)
Next Flower time, I’ll soak another dozen to sprout.
And then figure out where we can plant some more of them.
(I figure I’ll try to sprout about forty of them,
and then gift a few seeds each to friends with large yards.
Boy, frogs are the best. I really miss them. And great you rescued those tadpoles! Maybe I'll intern for you this summer
Lee wrote on Feb 27:
I love seeing your garden! It's -24 here and we are still very much in winter, but you are inspiring me to start some seeds. My boys and I love gardening so much, even though we garden in containers and a tiny strip in front of our window. We could use a boost to help us get through to our planting time - which is in early June!
Jan 31-Feb 26
Jan 31
It’s been a contemplative few days.
The Facebook comment RFAOH made about my last post, was this:
Lee’s latest report also prompts similar questions to the ones posed in our meeting with Rob at his screening: Are you an “art teacher” or an artist teaching art? Is teaching art to someone, or helping someone to make art, not an art practice? The Tug-o-War on rhetoric continues.
Oddly, it floored me. I’ve never seen my teaching as part of my art practice. Thinking about it, I have no idea why, it just never occurred to me that teaching art would draw from the same well as making art. Which is strange, since in class I talk extensively about creative process, methodology, etc. Teaching certainly helps keep up my technical proficiency with materials I don’t use as regularly in my own work (like oil pastel). And it helps me remember that I am both knowledgeable and competent, which I struggle with sometimes. I’m told I dismiss my knowledge as general knowledge, when in fact it’s not.
This is something I’m going to have to keep thinking about.
Feb 6
It’s Monday again.
I dug our car out from under the weekend’s worth of snow, driving was mad – there was hardly any difference between the roads, sidewalks, or lawns.
Found my laptop! It was in Peter’s rarely used briefcase, neither of us can remember why….
Feb 7
I taught Adult Arts combo last night – we did relief printing. I thought they did great. I’m not sure what they expect, it’s a class where you play with a new media every night. Sometimes I think they want me to walk in with an image and “say we are doing this and this is exactly how.” Which in my mind defeats the point – how would you experiment if you’re doing exactly what I tell you? How are you going to know if you like the process if you only do it the way that I told you too?? I see so many students who want a formula – how is that art?
How could copying my work express who you are??
It’s currently -28. That’s in Celsius. It’s getting down to -35 tonight.
Feb 21
This weekend was Family Day. It’s a totally random stat holiday, I think mainly to keep people from going mad in February. But we took it wholeheartedly and spent the weekend just hanging out with our boys. They kill me. They are so sweet and funny, and sometimes it is so hard to set aside all the day to day ‘stuff’ and enjoy them.
The house was ignored and is a disaster.
Feb 26
All day today, Edward has been a tyrant, angry, yelling, crying. Then this evening I sat with him, trying to distract him by reading a story, and he fell asleep in my arms. So tired and still not able to articulate it at all. I sat for ages, just cuddling him. It was the best.
The new class catalog is out for my work. There’s a ‘clay studio’ course being offered. I want to see if I can audit it, but I’m switching my schedule to drop off and pick up Arthur from school. I have a feeling they end at the same time.
We’re still decluttering – I feel like things are messier than ever, even though I know that it’s because I’ve pulled out things that haven’t seen the light of day in over a decade. Two more bags of clothes for donation and a truly bizarre amount of old paperwork. I found two boxes of papers from my masters’ programs. I have no idea why I’ve kept them this long. The recycling is overflowing. There’s a tube of partly finished paintings from my undergrad?! There’s no way they’ll be finished. I haven’t been interested in those themes since the turn of the millennium!
…though I also discovered a forgotten stash of printing paper (BFK Rives) from when my studio was in the basement prior to 2005…so that was kind of cool.
This month has been banal and yet turbulent. No big breakthroughs in any area of art or life. But some small breakthroughs, nonetheless. Some things look like they aren’t going to happen. Some things are open-ended, some hope, some despair.
For the past two days,
Marmalade’s school has been meeting up
with the other local elementary schools
for their Carnival celebrations.
It is common in much of Europe for children
to wear typical Halloween-like costumes
(princesses, ninja turtles and other cartoon characters)
and there are usually performances and parades.
Marmalade’s teacher has a different approach,
where they handmade and painted their costumes in class.
And she cast each one of her students into
Neve Branca & o 7 Anoês (Snow White & the 7 Dwarves).
Marmalade, and all the other youngest children were dwarves.
And of all the dwarves, Marmalade was Bashful (with the yellow tunic),
which was very fitting since she is quiet and shy in class.
We missed Thursday’s festivities, as it was just for the students,
but happily attended the Friday costume parade through Zambujeira.
It was great to see Marmalade fitting in so well,
seeming to really be a part of her class now;
and we were overjoyed for her to have the Carnival experience,
including traditional desserts and sweets at their party afterwards.
It’s nice to finally feel like we’re a part of a community.
Malika brings sunshine to everything!
Her friend Said finally returned from Morocco,
and it was great to see him and his parents, Ali and Malika,
very cool people who we missed these past two months.
So much has happened since mid-December
that catching up with them will take some time.
Hopefully we’ll get another chance to see them
over the long holiday weekend.
I was tired of the usual gatherings that involve dressing up and food. I was in a dire need to alter my routine and do something fun with the residents of VASAL RESIDENCY, beach camping was the best weekend get-away for me and my friends. We have made our beach camping trip a roaring success. French beach was the most beautiful destination regarding a beach trip and the one which has some sort of security to make your camping trip a wonderful experience.
I made sure that I was well away from the reaches of the water when it hits high tide. As it was my first beach trip ever so I have familiarized myself with the tides ahead of time and organized myself accordingly. It may be tempting to set up right near the water but you will be a singing a different tune when all your possessions are washed away after a particular aggressive wave. And also you don’t necessarily have to camp near an ocean. Many people set their camps near lakes and rivers too and it does not make a huge difference. The most interesting part of the trip was that I have lost my shades in the sea and have found them surprisingly right in front of me right after few hours. Sea never through back things very soon but it did and I was shocked to see that. We left the site clean on our way back home…..
And while overdoing it, Mohamed hurt his back.
While loading mulch into the trunk of our car,
or maybe while carrying barrels of blackberries to the compost,
he upset an old injury from a falling-onto-a-fence accident.
He’s begun doing self-acupuncture,
using spines from a cactus in our yard,
to ease the pain and unblock channels for recovery.
While slowing our progress for certain yard projects,
(while he takes time to rest, recover, and recuperate)
this has given me an opportunity to refocus on gardening:
clearing and preparing our yard to extend the garden,
as I want to at least triple our planting space this first season.
First and foremost, it had been 4 days of Root time,
so we’ve been clearing out the rest of the last garden box,
planting more beets and carrots (thanks Dad for the new seeds!),
and making space for the last 9 potato transplants that I’ll put in next Root trine.
As it has gotten a bit warmer and very Spring-like,
some of our winter kale and arugula have begun to flower.
We have so much arugula that the bunches I pick daily aren’t noticeable
in the sea of green leaves that is our first garden box.
And I’ve been harvesting the lower leaves of the kale tonight,
(for the most incredible garden kale, (our own) chanterelle, and roasted squash calzone)
while leaving the flower stalks to bloom and go to seed,
as I’m out of kale seeds and will want to plant more this fall.
Also, we’ve just received fifty seeds for artichokes,
the purple Italian Violetta di Chiogga heirloom variety,
so during Flower time, I began soaking and planting seeds.
As each plant will need a square meter of space,
I’ve been planning and clearing out a space for our artichoke patch.
This area of the yard had once been used as a garden,
but that was at least a dozen years ago.
So I’ve got a lot of work to do to revive it.
Downhill and adjacent to the artichoke patch,
I’ve begun clearing a nice flat area for my “three sisters” patch.
The Native American concept of the “three sisters” are an interplanting
of corn, beans and winter squash, each plant benefitting the others for compatible growing.
I’ll be experimenting with growing popcorn, various local and Austrian beans,
and winter squash seeds (hokkaido, blue ballet, & butternut)
that I’ve saved from all the organic squash we’ve eaten since moving to Europe.
Although I won’t be growing these plants until late Spring,
I’m clearing the area now to plant some buckwheat as a cover crop,
giving the area a boost of blossoms and then, once dug under, green manure.
Also, downhill from our garden boxes towards the compost,
I want to extend the garden in a semicircular space,
using the wild mint as a boundary,
to create another planting place.
Originally, I thought about planting asparagus there this Spring,
but now think I might use the area for other plants this season,
since I don’t think I’ll have enough room for cucumbers and the loofah squash,
and plant out asparagus next year, after enriching the soil.
Just beyond this area, yesterday I found a few thorny bushes under the overgrowth.
I’m not exactly sure what they are, but as they look like they were intentionally planted,
I’m assuming they’re some type of German berry bush that the previous owners put in.
They might be Stachelbeeren, I’ll try to identify them once they leaf out or blossom.
With the warmer temperatures, much of the surrounding towns
and even some parts of our yard seem like Spring has already sprung
(one yard we passed by today already had saucer magnolias in full bloom);
while other sections of our property are still in their Winter dormancy.
These changes in the weather seem normal for here,
and so I’ve been observing all of our microclimates
to understand the patterns for years to come.
This Friday and Saturday were the final Flower transplanting times for this cycle,
so we’re super busy planting bulblets from the wild irises from the water Spring,
repotting flowers (I just got a new one from the teahouse that holds our Portuguese classes),
and transplanting honeysuckles from our ruin
and wild irises from the forest.
Otherwise, Nutella’s not doing so well.
Her tumor has grown to triple size in only a few weeks.
The veterinarian looked really sad during her last check-up,
(as she’s grown quite fond of Nut, too),
saying that there wasn’t much she can do,
and warning us of the inevitable.
But she is still herself:
napping on the sofa, laying in the sun, and begging for food;
and doesn’t seem to be in much pain,
so we’re just trying to keep her comfortable.
Focusing on flowers has helped keep the tears away.
So after we got back home,
we figured out how to put together the arbor for behind our bedroom window.
It is made from wood railings we found while hiking in the woods in Austria,
with wood scrap found here in the center, supporting our water line.
Marmalade helped put it together once we all got back from her school.
Along the sides, we’ve got three cork planters now full of honeysuckle transplants,
to add a bit of life, and bumblebee food, to that part of our place.
Today switches over to a couple of Leaf days,
so I plan to plant more spinach.
And clean up a bit (or hopefully a lot)
since the architects are coming for a site visit this week.
With my second brew day experiments, I wanted to do something a little dark and a little sweet, so decided to work with a classic Belgian style dubbel recipe. The first gallon is a 50/50 blend of wort and kombucha. The second and third vessels are 100% wort. I plan to blend the second gallon with kombucha after full fermentation, so when I bottle. With the half gallon vessel, I intend to blend it with a half gallon of kombucha after primary fermentation.
The rest of the containers are full of kombucha… except for the first jar on the second shelf — that one is extra special! I had tried fermenting sweet tea with the new scoby that grew out of my initial wort + scoby experiment, but nothing happened — no new scoby grew. During the dubbel brew day, I had an idea and purposely set aside some wort and then added it to this container. Lo and behold: a new scoby has started to grow. I mentioned in the comments section of my last post about “training” scobys to digest new fuel sources. Here is a great example. This scoby appears to need wort to thrive!
And lastly, that is a 3-D printed tardigrade on the top shelf next to the mason jar. I made that little guy last year and he brings me good luck.
As we mentioned in our Roman Toasts post in December, DutchCulture |TransArtists.org was kind enough to ask for our two cents in a short blurb for their current (the 2nd) issue of their online magazine, Station to Station, which has just come out last week. Titled “All that art“, issue #2 compiles discussions around the broader impact of artists residencies, and what happens to the art (works) created or the artists once the residency is over.
Initially, we felt a little funny or counter-intuitive about their invitation to our non-artmaking RFAOH in this issue, but we decided to share our thoughts on production, professionalism, and what constitutes (art)work and not (art)work, while listing what some of our past residents “achieved” and/or what they are doing after leaving RFAOH. And as we had guessed, TransArtists is no ordinary “artist residency directory” so they have brought together a great selection of contributors who have approached the subject from a wide range of angles and personal experience.
A corresponding audio programme has been curated by online art radio collective Ja Ja Ja Nee Nee Nee — when you hit the play for each segment, something funky happens on the screen — Very cool.
Thank you TransArtists for inviting us to be part of this cool discussion!
We have frogs!
At least three, all living in our pond.
Which is great, because the insects have taken notice and started to move in,
so the frogs are extremely welcome to eat, drink and be merry.
And make their adorable communications at dusk.
“riiiibittt”
They occasionally make loud croaking noises,
it almost sounds like a off-key ducks quacking, especially around dusk,
and started last week with the first one probably calling its friends over,
but today we heard three distinct voices,
and have seen two lounging on the cattails,
while a third had splooshed into the pond as we approached.
We are really excited to have a pond,
and have put a lot of work into keeping it flowing.
it is a natural puddle that was dug deeper into the clay,
now with a few clusters of cattails growing within,
but naturally won’t hold most of its volume.
So we ran a hose into it from our gardening water,
and so the water flows downhill and bubbles into the pond,
keeping the water aerated and preventing stagnation.
I’ve cleared the overgrowth from around its banks,
and during the next Flower transplanting time,
I will transplant several wild irises from the nearby woods,
and also several dozen of the wild iris seeds,
that I’ve collected from stalks in the patch growing at the nearby Spring,
replanting them all around the perimeter of the pond,
to bring some color to that part of the yard.
During the most recent Flower transplanting time,
we moved more of the honeysuckle vines
out of the ruin and onto the fenceposts in front.
There is also a wild rosebush growing out of the front of the roof
that we plan to move that to a nearby fencepost as well.
(The ruin is built of tiapa, compressed earth,
so very fertile for these wildflowers.)
There is also a huge old grapevine trailing over the wall
from the neighbors’ yard. We intend to nurture it as much as possible,
incorporating it into our patio trellis, and encouraging it to form roots down on our side.
The ruin is now completely cleared of blackberry bushes,
and after a few more Flower and Fruit transplanting days,
will be cleared of honeysuckles and some saplings as well.
We met with our neighbor that owns the rest of the ruin last weekend,
to discuss property boundaries, building plans, and such.
He’s an elderly Dutch man, who also gave us some history of the area:
the ruin across the street used to be a mill, set on a canal from our river.
The canal has been filled in, now planted with bamboo.
The ruin (that we partially own, we have the workshop/stable,
he owns the four-room house itself) was the birthplace
of the father of the farmer who lives uphill from all of us.
Upon someone’s death, the land was split up by inheritance,
and the ruin, too, was divided.
Their section of the ruin is beautiful,
totally overgrown with trees inside the rooms.
I dream of clearing out the blackberries
and transforming their space into a flower garden,
but I like it as is, and am really glad that they have left it untouched.
They also own the land directly across the street from us,
that is very fertile land completely overrun with blackberries,
it would make great goat pasture.
But as for our land, at the moment we have our hands full.
There are some overgrown oak trees intermixed with blackberries,
really they are tangles of sucker-growth from big old stumps,
intertwined with blackberries, creating unhealthy, unbalanced growth.
So we’ve been pruning them back, uncovering a cactus garden in the process.
It has been a lot of work,
during which my mind keeps pondering
about the spaces we tend,
and the spaces left untended.
Years ago, while reading a book on Fungshui for the home,
I came across a passage about how clutter disrupts the flow within a room,
and how the placement of the clutter can have reverberations in the rest of life.
So expanding the concept and applying it to our property,
any neglected area of our yard will affect more than its own space,
any place not tended with love could infect those that are.
Since these neglected areas surround our home,
especially clustered on a hillside above our bedroom,
I think it is essential to transform this space:
a terraced pathway full of strawberry fields.
Once these oak trees are pruned back and reined in,
we will have a lot more sunny hillside with rick soil for planting strawberries.
Thanks to my brother and sister-in-law who sent us strawberry seeds for Christmas,
enough for 50 square meters (450 square feet) of strawberry fields,
so we’ll be clearing a lot of land for planting them.
We also will be transplanting a fig tree cutting nearby,
because they grow really well here and we love figs
almost as much as we love strawberries.
Both are great fresh,
fingers dripping with their juices.
Every morning when we awake,
we are relieved that this is our home.
We are so grateful to live here.
Last weekend a Swiss couple from our Portuguese class came to visit
with their four-year-old son, Sebastian. He and Marmalade played really nice,
even holding hands while walking through the path in the bamboo forest.
They live about 10 minutes away, on 11 hectares of land,
on the winding road that leads to one of the markets
(passing four horses, two pigs, a few goats, and countless fields of sheep).
We plan to stop and visit their homestead on our next shopping trip.
It’s nice to have friendly people come to visit, share advice,
and slowly becoming friends through our weekly interactions.
And as our Portuguese skills become more extensive,
we are more able to communicate with the locals:
mostly farmers and shepherds from the older generations,
who have all been kind, friendly, and generous,
especially once Marmalade smiles and says “Bom Día”
which warms even the most guarded hearts.
I’m sure some might be suspicious of foreigners moving in,
yet those that we’ve met, and who’ve seen the work we’ve been doing,
have given kindly nods and wave, sometimes stopping for short chats;
which has gone a long way in making us feel at home here.
It’s now the weekend,
and today is a rainy Root trine,
during Northern transplanting time,
so today I planted out our first batch of sprouted potato tops,
between passing showers.
Just going home and #takingcare #fuckworktoday “Say it straight, simple and with a smile.” ? #takingcare #yogitea #amsterdamkanal #notart #notartresidency #wayneonhiatus #rfaoh
The past week has been an awful battle with myself (and perhaps with you) again and it’s not over. But what is this, really? This struggle and discontent that I’m facing now; post-breakup, the artist’s condition, the effects of capitalism, the state… Or just, thinking too much? 2016 took a huge toll on my mental health. Since my last episode in Madrid, I have been relatively okay until last week. I want to cry every time I talk to someone about my problems/issues because it hurts so much inside. My thoughts are so quick and far and I cannot keep up. I admit that I have known my problems for a few years now but only recently being confronted by them because I lost the person whom I love very much and could connect with me on this level, guiding me and holding me through. For the past two years, I’ve been trying to understand (and trying at the same time) to just, stay afloat, alone.
Most of the time, it’s the problem of being unable to channel out my thoughts (those big ones — philosophical ones — in relation to art and politics, life, people, etc.) and being disenchanted and desolated by things and the state of order around me. This has caused me my ability to even grasp simple things in life and I want to grasp simpleness of life, I do.
Last night, my friend said that I’m always in either the past or too far in the future — never here and now. She continues to say that for the time that she has known me, she never saw me happy and I lack emotional intelligence despite being an emotional person. She had said so much more, although not as a critique on my personality. I can’t help feeling a certain degree of helplessness and a need to seek for support from friends and family from time to time. It is certainly okay to be not okay.
“Nocturnes, Op. 55: No. 1 in F Minor” from Chopin: Nocturnes by Arthur Rubinstein.
You used to tell me to smile more because I’m too dead serious for anyone — too inaccessible and too unapproachable. I must have forgotten to smile lately because I don’t even know how to anymore.
This post was supposed to be a rather lengthy one but I think I lost what I could say because there’s so much to say.
Hey Marisa, thanks for the little encouragement/reminder.
Shinobu, sounds like quite a fascinating day job you got there and yes, you're making sense. I just delivered a I-suppose-successful presentation on Monday about the "risk" I talked about some posts earlier. I was telling my friend last night how people only want to hear plights, hardships, and sufferings of others. I don't want to overstate the innate struggles of being an artist, writer, thinker and all other peripheral pursuits but why does it have to be at the expense of our mental and physical being and psychological health?
I think the world needs a hiatus. Franco "Bifo" Berandi was just at my school last week and he talked about empathy. He often throws the idea of "any possibility of another world" outside the window because it is hard to not go to the extreme when this is the way it is right now. Last year, I talked a lot about ambivalence and ambiguity in my writings. It is inherently impossible to think about the previous two properties without empathy. Since without sharing feelings, you cannot have mixed feelings, and without mixed feelings, you cannot be ambiguous.
Closing with what Berandi said the other day at a lecture, "depression is the dangerous relation with truth!"
marisa wrote on Feb 11:
my best advice has always been:
"life is long and the world is large"
yes, you need to be in the "here and now",
butt when the here and the now aren't helping,
I think it is nice to remember that there is more to come:
Great things beyond your expectations.
Good luck!
co-director (s) wrote on Feb 8:
Hi Wayne, it's me again.
We are happy to hear that. But never feel obliged to post reports when/if you can't for whatever the reason. We know life is more important than art and nonart.
One thing I wanted to add here was my own long personal inquiry related to yours. Besides all the hardships in life that everyone goes through such as death, illnesses, breakups, I've pondered our uneasy choice of being in the arts which could induce an even greater existential crisis, knowing that there's really no demand for our endeavour/production, ultimately done for our own needs. I believe in art but not the virtue of art per se, to service others or change the world (which of course is entirely possible but I'm actually suspicious of the popularization of some art phenomena such as art fairs/biennales supposedly conceived to achieve that purpose -- another topic for another time). And particularly when you want to practice art as a vehicle to talk about things beyond art in a means harder to get monetary renumeration back for, that's another strain -- it has taken me a long time to come to terms with all this dilemma but first I arrived at the age that I realized I don't have so much time left before my retirement (; (I bite my nails lots though)
I think we need a hiatus. I think it's good to think about art outside the framework of art or do other things to nurture more empathy towards others (like the people with certain jobs say, nursing). But on the other hand, when you are super focused on stuff like art for the sake of art and are indifferent about any business of others' that often motivate the kinds of judgements harmful for the world, it's also effective. For my day job, I've been translating oral history archives of people from the Fluxus time, some of who went through the end of WWII, when they just wanted to do their bloody art and music and thus naturally hated the politics which prevented it. It is kind of refreshing to read their self-absorption and dis-interest that separated them from the rest of the world. I don't know if I'm making any sense but that's where we and RFAOH come from -- a paradox, conundrum, and ambivalence where no one can pin us down, like art and nonart (; And of course, we'll all keep in touch, as you have seen us do so with our ex-residents. Take care
Wayne Lim wrote on Feb 6:
Hello directors, quite frankly, RFAOH has turned out to be more important that I initially envisioned it to be. I enjoy being here that's without a doubt. I'm going to continue this diarist-writerly practice even after I finish my stint here. Would be nice if you guys continue to show support!
I think the misery has always been there and greatly intensified ever since I started practicing full-time (and my break up). I'm also not saying that I'm destined to be miserable but at the moment I'm simply trying to understand my condition (also the artists' condition and the human condition) and seek help if I can/need to.
I know I should emphasize to myself the importance of the here/now. I just cannot believe how much effort I'm putting to do that and I feel like giving up or I don't even think about the here/now most of the time.
I hope with whatever that is currently going on around the world — the political instability, the precariousness, the never-ending crises — we should not just take care of ourselves (only), but take care of others to take care of oneself, extend and reach out in order to rebuild and restore faith in the era of political decay...
co-director (s) wrote on Feb 6:
Hi Wayne. Thank you for sharing this, it's extremely generous. Whether or not it's helping to distract you a bit, or even doing anything to you in some small way, I hope you like being here with us. I must agree that people in the arts, the deep thinkers, are not the happiest bunch. (I'm including my own personal case too). But that's how it goes, I feel. We are or we aren't. We try to stay afloat in the meandering paths of consciousness and conscience while thinking deep about everything, which is tough and feels weirdly unfair. (: But I think there are ways, even though they are highly personal. I hope we all find them. Or help each other find them. (PS: your image is beautiful btw)
co-director (m) wrote on Feb 5:
The artist's condition or the human condition? Its good (and important) to talk to people about these things Wayne, to get things off your chest, or as a way to organize your feelings into a form (language) that can then be more easily comprehended, re-imagined etc. I'm with your friend in valuing the importance of being present in the here/now, which doesn't always miraculously make things better but perhaps allows us to recognize it as part/process of being alive, to let these types of sadness wash over and pass us instead of wrestling against them. Take care of yourself. It IS ok to not be ok. Let us know if you need anything. Love this Chopin track.
Into the woods…
Well, not quite into the woods, but as much as I possibly can in the winter without a car 🙂 Introducing my secret ingredient: oak cubes/chips! To the left are American Oak cubes and to the right are French oak chips. These are the homebrewer’s answer to achieving similar aromas to barrel-aging. I decided to use the American Oak cubes for my latest experiment. I soaked the oak cubes in Bombay Sapphire gin for 1 day to infuse some flavour as well as to sterilize the wood, then proceeded to soak the cubes in red wine (2015 Chianti to be exact) for 3 days.
I then added the oak cubes to my Wort + Scoby and Wort + Kombucha + Scoby experiments. I’m planning to let the oak cubes do their magic for three weeks, then add priming sugar and bottle the kombucha-beers from there. The three weeks will be up next week but it will take an additional week to carbonate and then taste test time! Finally!!
Hi Marisa,
Thanks for all your kind words :) My basic kombucha is standard black tea and sugar. You can definitely use other teas such as green and oolong for your brew, but the scoby thrives on the nitrogen found in black tea and grows most strongly with black tea. And yes, scoby is the kombucha mother. Scoby stands for Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast. The scoby can be "trained" to digest different sugars, if you introduce a little bit at a time, say use mostly sugar, but add a couple of tablespoons of honey. There's a similar drink called "jun" that is fermented green tea and honey and has a scoby that is specifically conditioned for those ingredients. But I've also read in one of Sandor Katz's books (he's a fermentation specialist) that a friend of his likes to ferment Mountain Dew with scobys :)
You can add whatever flavours that your heart desires! It is suggested to add flavours after the scoby has been removed though so that the scoby doesn't alter its properties. But, if you have many scobys to work with, you should experiment! But make sure that you have an untainted mother so that you can keep going with your regular brew. Happy brewing!
marisa wrote on Feb 11:
Hello Joyce,
I'm impressed with your inventive brewing.
As a novice kombucha nurturer
(I've made a few dozen batches over the past few years)
I've been wondering if it's possible to alter the recipe.
Have you been using the standard black tea & sugar concoction for fermenting? As an expert, do you know if it is possible to use other teas? other sweetners? (would honey make a more mead-type kombucha?)
I've added sliced ginger post-fermentation, and really like the almost-ginger ale taste. But is kombucha more versatile? Can I add other things to alter the flavor?
(I usually mix kombucha into suntea before drinking, but store it pure or with ginger to keep it from getting funky.)
You seem to be going in whole new directions,
and have really opened my eyes to the possibilities.
Very cool.
And one last question, is Scoby the kombucha mother?
Thanks so much!
Joyce Lau wrote on Feb 4:
Oh cool! I just checked it out now and it looks amazing!! I definitely love how many on-hiatus projects overlap :)
co-director (s) wrote on Feb 4:
Joyce, did you read our recent FB post about our ex-resident Ryan Ringer qualifying for some cocktail making competition? HIs drink called "Lucky 13" had some fancy Kombucha in it and I thought about you -- I'm secretly dreaming of the day that our residents collaborate on some overlapping sections of their on-hiatus projects... (; (Like Joyce Lau's Kombucha served at Ryan Ringer's Grey Tiger - why not??)
New year, new goals
Each year that we’ve been in Hong Kong for Chinese New Year my partner and I have made a print to send to friends and family around the world. After three years we are one quarter of our way to having a full Chinese zodiac. Last year was year of the monkey:
Before that was the goat.
We’ve just mailed out our year of the rooster print, I but I’ll wait until it has had time to reach all the people we’ve sent it to before I post it online.
—
Over the long (four day) new year weekend I was keeping track of Hong Kong 4 Trails Ultra Challenge. It’s not a race so much as in informal challenge with a very limited number of participants invited to take part each year. It involves running HK’s four long-distance trails, Maclehose, Wilson, Hong Kong Trail, Lantau Trail; a total of 298km, plus something like 14,400m elevation gain. The trails must be run in reverse (to make it harder). Runners must be fully self sufficient, carrying all their own food and water. And to be recognised as a finisher it must be completed inside of 60 hours. This was the sixth year it has taken place. In the past five years, no-one has finished inside the 60 hour limit. That all changed this year with four runners finishing inside 60 hours. Some pretty amazing efforts.
So, I’m thinking next year, I really want to throw my hat in the ring to take part. It is so close to being impossible that it is too tempting not to want to try it.
—
My actual weekend activities were far more sedate; a hike up though mist-covered forest…
…through the top of the cloud layer…
…to the top of Sunset Peak.
—
I’m racing again this weekend. I (foolishly) volunteered to help the race organisers mark the course today. So I was up well before dawn in order to go to Pat Sin Leng, one of the most stunning mountain ranges in Hong Kong, with a bag of flour and a load of chalk (for making arrow markings), a bag full of hi-vis ribbons, a bundle of printed signs, tape and cable ties to mark the way for the race.
It’s probably not a great idea to wear myself out with a 3 hour run carrying all that stuff so close to race-day, but I had a nice morning anyway.
Today I’ve been frantically replacing all the calories I burned. Tonight, Nepalese curry beckons.
Is the race this weekend the 9 Dragons you were talking about in the last report? Or you've already done that and it's a new one -- we can't keep track (; and Happy New Year of the Rooster! Great prints!!
Groundhogs Day
Our weekly Portuguese lessons have been going well,
and now, through Marmalade’s school, we have weekly homework, too.
Each week she gets to bring home a new book,
and we have the week to read, reread, and discuss it;
I’m sure we will all learn a lot of new vocabulary.
This week’s book is about a lion and a kangaroo (o leão & o canguru).
Also, we went back to the veterinarian last Friday for a check-up.
I really like this vet, (much more so than our vet in Austria, or any from America)
and appreciate her version of compassionate care, cleaning her wound,
and not rushing into a possibly life-ending surgery if antibiotics will help her.
Nutella has greatly improved, and seems herself again, alert and tail wagging,
so much so that any passersby would not suspect that she is ill.
We went back again this Tuesday, for another wound cleaning.
This time a whole lot of grossness came out,
and continues to ooze out of her open wound.
In the end, I think she would benefit from the surgery,
to remove the infected tumor, even if it was only a short-term solution,
but the vet won’t risk an operation and is just trying to heal her infection.
On Thursday it rained, and so I spent more time inside,
unpacking some more stuff (yup, still haven’t finished), and baking:
lots of pizza dough, sourdough crumpets, and chocolate buttermilk cupcakes (yum!)
During breaks in the rain, we worked on the driveway over by the bamboo fence,
not quite finished with the bamboo fence, which will probably be a flower trellis,
but finally finished that section of driveway.
Over the weekend, I cleared three barrels of blackberries from the ruin,
so much so that we can now easily reach the back wall,
which has the coolest lichen growing on it.
A few more barrels and we’ll be able to reach the far right wall,
and then we can contact the architect for an on-site visit,
to plan how to renovate the ruin into a small guesthouse,
and hopefully get advice, assistance, materials and help
with our bathroom, especially the bathroom roof.
But once is switched over to first a brief Flower and then a long Leaf time,
I’ve spent a lot of time gardening, clearing out areas for planting:
more broccoli rabe, cilantro, swiss chard, lettuce and spinach,
and added new sections for purple kohlrabi and garlic chives
(which are both new plants for me to attempt growing).
Actually, I learned that kohlrabi is quite a new plant, as far as plants go,
being first bred in the 1500’s in what-is-now Germany.
While out collecting wood chips last week, we found a huge patch of wild fennel.
So we were clearing out a section of our yard to make their new home,
and transplanted several this morning, during the end of the Leaf time,
as well as clearing space for some purple artichokes that my father has sent the seeds for.
Today is Groundhogs Day,
not that there are any groundhogs here, but if there were,
they wouldn’t have seen their shadows, as we’ve had a light drizzle this morning,
so it’s the end of winter, which seems right since our low temperatures
have been around 12 degrees Celsius (50-something Fahrenheit).
Perfect for gardening.
Relieved to hear about Nutella as we were wondering if anything bad had happened to her as we didn't hear from you guys a bit longer than usual. I just read that Wiarton Willie (a Canadian groundhog) apparently said our Spring is coming earlier this year. Well, everywhere so it seems due to an obvious cause -- but as you had said, I'm trying to rejoice not despair -- yes good for gardeners!
co-director (s) wrote on Mar 3:
Boy, frogs are the best. I really miss them. And great you rescued those tadpoles! Maybe I'll intern for you this summer
Lee wrote on Feb 27:
I love seeing your garden! It's -24 here and we are still very much in winter, but you are inspiring me to start some seeds. My boys and I love gardening so much, even though we garden in containers and a tiny strip in front of our window. We could use a boost to help us get through to our planting time - which is in early June!