From Amsterdam to Yogyakarta
Writing from Yogyakarta airport! I survived the presentation with a jetlag! I think I started out really scared and awkward, reading directly from my paper without giving a proper introduction. I had to break it down further as someone from the audience commented that my paper was too abstract and “poetic”. There were more questions later on, so I’d like to think that it went okay as I answered those questions. Most importantly, people came to speak to me afterwards about my concept. I guess my only complaint is that the presentation just wasn’t horizontal enough. I was nice to see support from some of the audience.
After the symposium, it has been mostly hanging out with people, going to art spaces, dinners, etc. in a very relaxed mode. Unfortunately, I caught a cold, a series of headaches after more than two weeks of traveling; Brussels, Eindhoven, Arnhem, Amsterdam, Singapore and now here in Yogyakarta.
Thoughts about moving here are getting stronger and the possibilities are higher than ever. While chatting with Gesya, I’ve been thinking how ridiculous it has been to go all the way to the Netherlands to be closer to a network so close to home and untouchable from Singapore. This totally reminds me of my response when Sidd Perez’s mentioned the “circuit” after her presentation. When is one considered to be outside of the “art circuit”? What kind of works or production allows one to stay in such a “circuit”? Who makes the decision for the kind of works to represent a certain nationstate? These are questions to be asked
Thank you Equator Symposium! Everyone I’ve met and just met this semi-work trip; Enin, Grace, Riksa, Ratna, Tamara, Tepu, Nindit, Gesya, Charles, Sidd, Edwina, Sanne, Malcolm and many others! Although I really hate to present, I must say that I also learnt and know what I am truly uncomfortable about doing, hence, making it a really valuable experience!
I am not panicking about going back to Singapore, so that’s a good thing. Although I know the panic attack will come at some point but I can’t afford to anticipate when it will happen. I just need to be busy; working for money, writing, making plans, etc. Even Time Capsule reminds me how long I have not been ‘home’. ‘Home’, because we fell apart. ‘Home’, because I used to have a room that I cannot enter anymore for my own sake. ‘Home’, because my parents might want to get a divorce which potentially means this ‘home’ might just mean nothing at the end. ‘Home’, because I do not long to be back here or be present here anymore…
How timely. I need to work on a piece of writing for a publication for the research residency I participated in Biella. I hope being in Singapore temporarily can help me in some ways on that essay.